Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Eyes open to something new

I have always been attracted to men of all shades and ethnicities; however, I never assumed that all types of men were attracted to me.  For some reason, I particularly held this perception in regards to caucasian men. I had also heard rumors that caucasian men preferred caucasian women, asian men preferred asian women and Indian men preferred Indian women. Even though I thought those preferences were narrow, I did not truly have a problem with them. As a brown girl, I assumed that I was mostly found attractive by other brown-skinned men. In the last year, however, I have been repeatedly & pleasantly surprised to realize that in particular, caucasian men dig me. I am always taken aback by how obvious they can be, stopping me in the street to tell me i’m beautiful or that they love my hair, or obviously watching me walk down the street or staring at me when I’m in my car.  Recently my fake caucasian cousin, Colin, answered “yeah, we do”, when I was commented on how I had not previously thought that caucasian guys found me attractive. He also told me about dating several brown-skinned girls. 
My mom says that caucasian men especially prefer brown-skinned girls that look like brown-skinned girls. She means to say that girls that look natural, and not like they are trying to look caucasian, are the kind of girls that caucasian guys would find attractive.  In regard to this, I have noticed many men really enjoying seeing me wear my hair full out and kinky.  My last boyfriend absolutely loved my natural hair and always wanted to play with it. He was caucasian. However, I know caucasian guys who love them some straight-haired valley-girl sounding brown sisters too. Truth be told, I think the big secret is that more caucasian guys [than we brown sisters realize] are into brown sistas. 
So what if the caucasian guys are into brown girls? Who cares? Well, it might only matter if you are only of probably tens of thousands of single, up-and-coming brown-skinned women, waiting for the “good black brotha”.  
I remember the day I told a car-full of my brown-skinned girlfriends that I was not going to wait for the “good black brotha”.  After the words exited my mouth, you could have heard a pin drop in the car. One girl was on the phone when I explained myself, and she made me say it all over again as soon as she ended her call. My rationale is this: there are probably 7 single brown girls to every free [aka non-incarcerated], living [not shot, stabbed or something else tragic] & worth dating [not a scrub, pimp or free-loader] brotha. Even if we included the scrubs, the ladies would still outnumber the men, several times over. Mathematically & statistically, the odds are that many brown sistas will not pair up with their ideal brown brotha. So, are these women destined for singlehood or the self-depreciation of sharing a man with another sista-- I hear this last thing goes on in some cities? To this I say, “I’m not waiting for the good black brotha” and “i’m not fighting some chic for the good black brotha, either”.  If brown men can date and marry outside of their race, then why have the sisters held rigidly to only loving within their race? I don’t get it, and i’m not participating in this foolishness. Men are men. Handsome is handsome. Love is love. 
I think beautiful, successful, confident, resilient, sassy brown-skinned women should open their eyes and realize that men, of all races and complexions and backgrounds and careers, just might be into you. Color is not the only common denominator, and culture often has nothing to do with race. People can connect on many different levels, and brown girls need to not be deceived into thinking that brown men are the only ones that can understand or appreciate them.  My caucasian boyfriend loved my independence and strong-willed nature. He was not intimidated by me in the least.  Maybe these non-black men are waiting for us to see them. Maybe he is waiting to open the faucet of love, in the basin of your life. 

Be encouraged and set your mind & heart free.