Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Eyes open to something new

I have always been attracted to men of all shades and ethnicities; however, I never assumed that all types of men were attracted to me.  For some reason, I particularly held this perception in regards to caucasian men. I had also heard rumors that caucasian men preferred caucasian women, asian men preferred asian women and Indian men preferred Indian women. Even though I thought those preferences were narrow, I did not truly have a problem with them. As a brown girl, I assumed that I was mostly found attractive by other brown-skinned men. In the last year, however, I have been repeatedly & pleasantly surprised to realize that in particular, caucasian men dig me. I am always taken aback by how obvious they can be, stopping me in the street to tell me i’m beautiful or that they love my hair, or obviously watching me walk down the street or staring at me when I’m in my car.  Recently my fake caucasian cousin, Colin, answered “yeah, we do”, when I was commented on how I had not previously thought that caucasian guys found me attractive. He also told me about dating several brown-skinned girls. 
My mom says that caucasian men especially prefer brown-skinned girls that look like brown-skinned girls. She means to say that girls that look natural, and not like they are trying to look caucasian, are the kind of girls that caucasian guys would find attractive.  In regard to this, I have noticed many men really enjoying seeing me wear my hair full out and kinky.  My last boyfriend absolutely loved my natural hair and always wanted to play with it. He was caucasian. However, I know caucasian guys who love them some straight-haired valley-girl sounding brown sisters too. Truth be told, I think the big secret is that more caucasian guys [than we brown sisters realize] are into brown sistas. 
So what if the caucasian guys are into brown girls? Who cares? Well, it might only matter if you are only of probably tens of thousands of single, up-and-coming brown-skinned women, waiting for the “good black brotha”.  
I remember the day I told a car-full of my brown-skinned girlfriends that I was not going to wait for the “good black brotha”.  After the words exited my mouth, you could have heard a pin drop in the car. One girl was on the phone when I explained myself, and she made me say it all over again as soon as she ended her call. My rationale is this: there are probably 7 single brown girls to every free [aka non-incarcerated], living [not shot, stabbed or something else tragic] & worth dating [not a scrub, pimp or free-loader] brotha. Even if we included the scrubs, the ladies would still outnumber the men, several times over. Mathematically & statistically, the odds are that many brown sistas will not pair up with their ideal brown brotha. So, are these women destined for singlehood or the self-depreciation of sharing a man with another sista-- I hear this last thing goes on in some cities? To this I say, “I’m not waiting for the good black brotha” and “i’m not fighting some chic for the good black brotha, either”.  If brown men can date and marry outside of their race, then why have the sisters held rigidly to only loving within their race? I don’t get it, and i’m not participating in this foolishness. Men are men. Handsome is handsome. Love is love. 
I think beautiful, successful, confident, resilient, sassy brown-skinned women should open their eyes and realize that men, of all races and complexions and backgrounds and careers, just might be into you. Color is not the only common denominator, and culture often has nothing to do with race. People can connect on many different levels, and brown girls need to not be deceived into thinking that brown men are the only ones that can understand or appreciate them.  My caucasian boyfriend loved my independence and strong-willed nature. He was not intimidated by me in the least.  Maybe these non-black men are waiting for us to see them. Maybe he is waiting to open the faucet of love, in the basin of your life. 

Be encouraged and set your mind & heart free.


githoni said...

WOW!! I am very impressed in your sassy yet honest style of communicating. You are becoming a force to be reckoned with. I applaud you and support your point of view.

ValeriesWorld said...

Very good piece, God has no favour, the mere fact that he made a variety of people of different shades, he was not concerned who you marry, as long as you are both in Christ. God is limitless, but the world likes to be limiting. Once we learn to believe in the world of possiblities, then we can be open to love.
Blessings for your piece!

Jessi said...

Haha Kia, you had me crackin' up with the whole "in jail, shot or stabbed" description of the majority of brown-skinned men. Not that it's funny that people get shot but it felt a little comedic when I read it. Anyway I agree with you when you say that brown-skinned women should broaden their horizons. Particularly because I am in an inter-racial marriage. I love Justin so much and a lot of times I think it's because we come from such different backgrounds. I also feel, in some small way, that one person of a particular race only being receptive of another person of that same race is a little racist... I mean we all should be accepting to eachother in every way. If I'm Asian and I have only Asian friends and will only date Asian men then wouldn't that kinda make me a little bit racist? Or is racism only a title you give someone who is hateful toward another race other than their own? But I do understand that some people may be reluctant to date or marry outside their race because they feel that they may not be fully accepted. I can see how it may be scary to go outside of the cultural boundaries you're used to. But basically I feel like everyone has a mind of their own and we all have a choice as to who we want to be. So why is it that a lot of stereotypes are somewhat true? That always made me wonder.. I think it's just one of those situations where we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, however corny it may sound. Lol

the diva said...

Your writing is very honest, and I found it very interesting. I complain about my married life, to a very good man. Yet I forget that just seven years ago, I too wondered if God had somehow misplaced the husband he most surely was supposed to send me. I didn't marry outside my race, but I did marry outside my geographical area. You see I had placed boundaries on location, and only dated guys in my neck of the woods. So sometimes our limits aren't so much racial than they are geographical.

Anonymous said...

Whatever you do don't date indian men. They will date you but never marry you or introduce you to their family and indian friends. I will never put myself through that again.

Anonymous said...

I am in an interracial relationship and so many of your points are true. He hates when I straighten my hair, and we both like when he plays with curls. It is a bit of an epiphany when you discover that other races like your skin color, or dark eyes, kinky hair or ample back (whatever it is that you have). I find that cultural differences are the deal breakers, not skin. Some cultures are accepting to other cultures, and some cultures are closed. Thankfully with the world's globalization, it's easier to access, understand and enjoy more cultures.

N'Gina said...

Great article! I am married to a white man and he is the love of my life. Like you, I was not trying to wait for Mr. Black and Right. We've been together 8 years and have a beautiful mixed raced boy and a girl on the way. In the end, happiness doesn't know color and I'm glad that dispite my Southern families wants to marry black, I took my own path. And they love him!